My Soul Laid Bare

This is from my Facebook post today. I thought I should probably share on here too.

"This status is going to be rather long, so if you're just in the mood for light, carefree fluff, you have my full permission to keep scrolling. Okay. Now that that's out of the way...

This year, I've been learning to be vulnerable. It's a skill that doesn't come naturally to me. All my life, I've made it a purpose to bottle up my thoughts and feelings, never to share them. However, this year, especially the summer on, has changed me. I became a junior counselor at a youth camp. I built a water tank in a rural village on the other side of the world. Both adventures taught me a different lesson in dependence and vulnerability. 

Since I've come to college, I've decided to open myself more. More people have been exposed to my true personality (and survived, I may add). But tonight...Tonight my soul was laid completely bare. All those bottled up feelings of hate, frustration, fear, sorrow just came tumbling out between gasps and sobs on the sundeck of my dorm. With each word that cascaded from my lips, the wall of stone surrounding my heart, the one God has been chipping at for years, started to crumble. The story itself wasn't really long, but it was from the darkest corner of my heart of hearts. 

In my leadership program, we've been telling our life stories within our mentor groups. These are hard to tell and hard to listen to. Each life was full of so much hardship and pain. Since my #1 strength happens to be empathy (according to the Strengths Finder test we had to take upon admittance into Baylor), each story was torture. 

But at the same time, each story was beautiful. Because life is beautiful. Each day, breath fills our lungs because God has given us another day on this planet. Each day is a treasure, filled with adventure and promise. Although sometimes it doesn't seem like that at all. But our experiences and days have made us into something special. Who we are. 

I've learned that stories are meant to be shared. It hurts. Oh yes it does. But if we keep what made us become...well, us, hidden away, how are we going to be able to impact the lives of others? How can we change the world with the pieces of life we've been given if we tuck each into the blackest pit in the darkest corner of our soul? 

Life is beautiful, and I'm glad I've gotten to share mine with each and every one of you. I have been blessed by so many others, especially since arriving at college. For the first time since I was very little, my soul has been laid bare and raw out on the rocks. 

Coming to Baylor is one of the best decisions I have ever made. Because here...you can just B U. (Oh yes I did.)"



My eyes are still feeling gritty from sniffling all over the place. Yuck.