A few days ago, I left my teen years behind forever as I hit the big two-o. And with my birthday, the blog had a birthday as well! The Dream Factory turned two on April 8th, only a couple of days after my twentieth.
I've been reflecting a lot on my life recently, as someone who has just entered her adult years tends to do. I've been around the world, met new faces, had plenty of adventures and learned so much along the way. There are still some lessons to be learned (hopefully during my next twenty years), but I wanted to share with you what I've lived and learned so far. (Warning: This post is a long one, because I have lots to say. Make sure you take a bathroom break in the middle if you need to.)
So, without further ado: Twenty Lessons I've Learned by My Twentieth Year.
In list form, because lists are rad.
2. Never be afraid to ask the hard questions. People may give you weird looks, they may laugh, scoff, or turn away in disdain. But don't be afraid. Sometimes these questions that others may avoid may be the ones we need to talk about. I once asked a possibly-but-I'm-not-sure sacrilegious question to my philosophy professor. Instead of brushing it off, he offered to discuss it. Of course, he's a philosopher, so that's what he does. Despite the fact that I go to a conservative Christian university.
3. Sometimes forgiveness is a daily process. When I first moved to America, I knew nobody. It was rough starting a whole new life from scratch. But soon, I had made a friend. She became one of my best friends, and was always there for me. Only a couple of years later, she stabbed me cruelly in the back, twisting her knife deep. Of course, while our friendship may be broken, we speak civilly to each other now. For years, though, every time I thought of this girl I had to mentally forgive her. Over and over again. And recently, here at college, I've had a tough situation with a couple of good friends. So I just applied the same concept. Trust me, this can take years, but it helps so much in the long term.
4. Make your beliefs your own. I am a Christian, and I am very proud of it. My Christianity is something that makes me who I am. However, I understand that not everyone shares my beliefs. But this point is about choosing your beliefs and sticking with them. My parents are strong Christians as well, but at some point, I decided that I was going to choose to be a Christian. I could have chosen not to. But I have used my free will to remain a Christian, and my belief is my own. Use your free will wisely when it comes to your beliefs.
5. One-on-one time is important. This one may be easy for me to say because I'm an introvert. I really find merit in one-on-ones though. Sure, group time has its perks, but everyone needs this intimate setting, where they can focus solely on one other person. This is a way that many relationships can grow stronger.
6. So are moments of peace. Another one that speaks to my introverted side. Even for extroverted types, though. Peace is to be appreciated, if only for a few minutes. It's important to give the mind breaks and let it rest. Peace helps the soul rest.
7. Never be ashamed of who you are. I am not normal. But that is something that I am slowly coming to terms with. I am called to be different. And that's okay. There is no shame in who I am, because I'm loved deeply by the One who created me. That goes for you too. Never be ashamed with who you are. You are you. That doesn't mean that you're perfect, but you're a work in progress. And there is no reason to be ashamed of that.
8. Love can be letting go. Cheesy as it sounds, this one's still important. When we love something very much, sometimes we can obsess over it. And sometimes, that's just not healthy. We keep ourselves in a prison of our own making as we try to hold on to something that has the potential to destroy us. Don't be afraid to let something or someone go.
9. Sometimes it's okay to be angry. There is more than one type of anger. There is a sense of injustice, that all is not right, and something needs to be fixed. Now. There is bitterness. There is rage. If you are angry at injustice, you can use that anger to fuel your drive to change it. This is okay. What is not okay? Allowing your anger to destroy you. Anger will harden your heart and burn your soul. Don't give it that chance.
10. Try new things. As a very wise science teacher once said, "Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!" Don't be afraid to try new things! Who knows? You may like it! And if you don't, then at least you gave it a shot. The plunge into newness is the hardest part, but once you're in, you'll never know what you'll find.
11. Never shoot someone down intentionally. I'll give you something not so say in one phrase: "I don't care." When someone tells you an idea, shows you something that makes them shine, or lets you inside their walls, when you say something like "I don't care", you're stabbing them right in the gut. That's just cruel. Even if you're not interested in something, just nod politely and, if you absolutely must, change the subject when you can.
12. Read everything. And don't give me that "But I don't LIKE reading" excuse. Do it anyway. You don't have to read books. Read something else. Newspapers, blogs, STREET SIGNS. Reading expands the mind and perspective. It enriches the vocabulary and challenges the thoughts. It helps you grow.
13. Enjoy each little thing. Don't take moments for granted. Enjoy even the tiniest things that come your way. Treasure them and hold them close. Even the smallest shards of happiness are precious.
14. Sometimes we just need people to tell us that everything's going to be okay. This past school year has been my hardest yet. And, I'll admit this right now to you, dear Reader. My life is in shambles. I feel like I'm on a tiny sailboat, tossed in the mightiest hurricane in the middle of the widest, darkest ocean. Sometimes I don't even know how I'm going to survive the next five minutes, let alone the next few decades of my life. Then I have to have outside reassurance. There is a friend that I text, often at odd times of day, asking him to simply tell me that things are going to be okay. He does, and Reader, sometimes that's the most comforting thing that I can be told.
15. Tea is important. Tea is always important. If you're not a tea person, then coffee will suffice in a pinch. There's nothing like friendship over a steaming cup of tea.
16. It's okay to cry. Crying helps, especially if you have a pillow or a shoulder to cry on. Crying releases pressure in the body. Do not be afraid to weep when your heart is breaking. Even if you're a dude. Even guys need to cry. Let yourself cry. You'll feel much better.
17. Laughter is from Heaven. It is truly the best medicine. Do things and spend time with people that make you laugh. If you marry, marry someone that makes you laugh. Laughing is one of the most underrated and greatest gifts. And it's universal. There's nothing like two people who can't even speak to each other being able to enjoy a laugh.
18. Don't treat others how you want to be treated. Treat them BETTER. A short expansion on the "Golden Rule." Even just a smile to someone you don't know may brighten their day. I never said that this lesson is an easy one, but it is very important. Don't just be nice to people because they are nice to you. Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even if they hate your guts. ESPECIALLY if they hate your guts.
19. Everyone has a story worth telling. This phrase helped me realize my passion for storytelling. Because everyone has been on all different walks of life, each of us has a different story. None of these stories are insignificant, no matter how mundane they seem. We are all valued, and each of our stories matter. A great example of this? Brandon Stanton of Humans of New York. If you're not familiar with HONY, look it up. It's worth your time, I promise.
20. Never, ever lose your curiosity. This is one of the greatest pieces of advice from my professors. Always keep learning and asking questions. Maintain that child-like desire to discover. Make sure your curiosity doesn't lead you down some dark roads, however. But keep it alive. Try new things. Ask questions. Be willing to learn.
That's a lot of stuff right there. And if you made it all the way down here, I heartily congratulate you, dear Reader. I hope you enjoyed my journey through twenty years of life. Thank you so much for reading!
Bloggers Note: Remember, after this post, I'm going to be on hiatus for a while. I need to set some places in my life straight once more. But no worries. I'll be back soon.
That's a lot of stuff right there. And if you made it all the way down here, I heartily congratulate you, dear Reader. I hope you enjoyed my journey through twenty years of life. Thank you so much for reading!
Bloggers Note: Remember, after this post, I'm going to be on hiatus for a while. I need to set some places in my life straight once more. But no worries. I'll be back soon.
